By Bob Grant, L.P.C
How do you know if the guy you love really loves you?
Is it when he actually says, “I love you?”
Or perhaps it’s right after sex when he rolls over to you and says, “That was amazing.”
What if I told you that unless a man goes through a very specific emotional pathway, he’ll never fall deeply in love with you?
This is why you hear (or maybe it’s happened to you) of a man suddenly “falling out of love.”
It’s not that he wasn’t in love; it’s that his love wasn’t deep enough to keep him committed to her.
One day he says he loves her. The next day, for no apparent reason, he’s cold and distant.
What changed? What went wrong?
The short answer is there are 5 stages men go through to fall in love.
When he pulls away, it’s because he’s blocked at a certain stage of the relationship.
If the pattern gets interrupted or even 1 phase gets skipped, this is what causes a man to suddenly “fall out of love.” In fact, this is why having sex too early in a relationship can actually cause him to fall OUT of love with you for this one reason most women don’t realize:
Men don’t fall in love through SEX.
Oh, he’ll tell you how beautiful you are (and mean every word of it) but it doesn’t last and here’s why.
One of the key stages every man must go through is the Infatuation phase. If you have sex with him while he’s in the infatuation stage, he’ll love every minute of it, but just like a massive sugar high, his emotional crash will be just as intense. Suddenly he feels overwhelmed and doesn’t know what’s wrong, and that’s when the switch goes off in his brain. As the euphoria dies down, he assumes something is wrong.
During this vulnerable phase, he begins to believe 3 dangerous myths that make him want to pull away from you…
Myth #1: He Should Always Feel Infatuated with You.
But that isn’t possible because just like a new car, the initial jolt of desire must decrease so that a deeper level of intimacy can grow between you.
Deep intimacy is only possible when a man is vulnerable with a woman, not simply infatuated. The periods of disillusionment are actually necessary to form a deep intimate bond.
Myth #2: Give Him What He Wants and He’ll Fall in Love.
Unfortunately, what a man tells you he wants is often NOT what he needs. As much as every man wants a woman who’s “cool, easygoing and sexy,” deep inside his heart he needs something that most men never realize – tension.
If you’re a woman, I beg you to memorize this phrase:
Men value what they have to work for and what comes easy is often despised.
Which leads us to the biggest myth of all:
Myth #3: He’s upset because it’s something YOU have done wrong.
Because he’s upset, it’s easy for him to be overly sensitive to just about everything you do. Even though it feels like he’s punishing you, the truth is he’s actually feeling OUT OF CONTROL for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
If you fall into the belief that you’re the reason for his sudden coldness you’re just one step away from being paralyzed by the “Feelings Freeze.” This is when you attempt to save your relationship by holding in your feelings, because you’re afraid if you do or say anything wrong – he’ll leave you.
Once this happens you’ll begin to feel the passion start to fade away. It’s as though the very life of your relationship is slowly bleeding to death.
He stops texting as often.
He doesn’t want to talk on the phone as long as he once did.
This is when so many women ask a man what’s wrong, only to be told, “I don’t know. Something is missing.”
And here’s the STRANGE part.
During his moment of doubt, when he begins to question his love for you what a man needs is something most women would never realize. The key to awakening a man’s desires and rekindling their relationship is a woman’s….EMOTIONS. THIS is the #1 factor which will determine if he falls (and stays) in love with you or not.
Now I know you’ve been told not to be so emotional. You’ve probably watched Dr. Phil or Oprah, or you’ve been reading Cosmo and other online articles, but what they tell you is wrong. The truth is….
You Can Make Him Emotionally Dependent on You (And He’ll Love It)
But what if I told you that expressing your emotions properly can make a man emotionally dependent on you (in a healthy way, of course!)? In fact, what if I could convince you that a man wants to be emotionally dependent on the woman of his choice?
As far-fetched as this might sound, I promise you that most men view a relationship with a woman as a prize. A woman has the ability to take away a man’s pain and make him feel powerful at the same time. In no other place can a man find such a combination in one package.